The Hidden Page

==='''WARNING: READING THIS PAGE IS A VIOLATION OF EVERY RULE EVER. YOU WILL BE DISQUALIFIED FROM THE GAME AND YOUR CHARACTER WILL BE CHOPPED INTO PIECES AND EATEN BY CLOWNS, STEVEN KING STYLE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL READING THIS PAGE!? ISN'T MY AUTISTIC SNARK AND RAMPANT ALL-CAPSING MAKING YOUR BRAIN HURT YET!?'''===

Ok... so this is the Hidden Page. It's where I drop the act and reveal what I actually think and who I actually am and the real reasons I went from being a Homestuck fan ( * the universe gasps * ) to a Homestuck trasher. As well as touching on such important things as life, my actual political views, my personal relationships, etc. Due to my crippling insecurity there will still be some random outbursts of snark, but I'm trying to compose myself to be a totally sincere guy here. It'll be hard, but I think once you get over the fact that I'm not the demented sado-masochistic pyromaniac I make myself out to be, we might actually develop meaningful (platonic) relationships. Yeah. So let's get this train-wreck started right?

Who is the GM?
Most everyone knows me as CaptainMcClellan, but I have a real name to. Collin C. Warren. (No, we're not friends enough for you to know my middle name yet. ) I was born on March 10, 1996 making me a Rat-fish according to astrology. Surprisingly, this actually describes me rather well...

I share birthdays with such celebrity personalities as Osama Bin Laden and Emily Osmet. ( Though most of the time I'll never admit to the second one. ) I also share a birthday with my brother's childhood best friend, which I find to be an amusing and delightful coincidence. I also share a birth ( and death ) month with my favourite composer, Modest Mussorgsky. In fact, by the old Gregorian Calinder he was born on the 9th. Whenever I pretend to believe in reincarnation, this is who I claim to have been in a past life. I don't do that often, however, for fear people will actually believe me.

I am about 6' 4" and still growing. ( Not much,  but I once shot up three inches in the span of a few months, so here's hoping I can still reach 7'! ) I weigh... somewhere between 165-178 lbs. depending on health and season. I have hazel coloured eyes which are sometimes a honey gold and sometimes a shade of olive green. ( It varies depending on lighting, diet, health, and mood. ) I was born with hair that was so blonde it was almost white and it has sense faded to a very deep, dark-chocolate brown.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome a few years back and it so far hasn't impacted my life much, except to give me something else to snark about. ( Also for all the immature children among you, like for instance my dad, Asperger's does sound like "ass burgers". However for those of you that are not my dad, that is a good way for me to get felony assault with a lethal weapon, so don't. ) I am somewhat touchy about my diagnosis though, as I am aboutmost things, and am expecting you to show some decorum. I am showing a considerable amount of trust telling it to you in this fashion, even though it really isn't that big of a deal. "Lots of people have it" right? Yeah well, that's never been a comfort to me.

I have in the past been treated for depression and am currently being treated for anxiety. The irony is that the main source of my daily anxiety is also the one insisting that I be treated for it. However, I'll admit that I do get anxious fairly often. Usually because I think of all the implications of almost everything I come in contact with or think about. ( It's the same sort of thing that drove lesser minds like Kafka, Wilde, and Nietzsche to madness. That and Wilde's syphillis, which I do not intend to contract. )

My Not- Girlfriend *News*
I am dating (sort of) this really great (usually) girl (sort of ). It's complicated. She makes it complicated. She doesn't like it when I call her "she". Despite the madness inherent in such a system that really and truly I have only ever encountered in females ( though, out of fairness I admit there are probably males who are as bad or worse, I just haven't met them. ) we get along pretty well. ( So long as noone says any trigger-words. Conversation is sometimes more of a strategy game than it should be... )

Now that I snarked up that last paragraph, let me actually tell you about ~insert name here~. Actually, we'll just call her Coffee, because she's known as that ( sort of ) elsewhere. ( Also I said she again. >.< ) No wait, Moji. Moji likes the name Moji. Collin's autism makes it easy for Collin to speak in the third person, even if for such a reason as Political Correctness, which, as we all know by now, Collin is not a fan of.

Anyway, Moji is pretty great. Moji is patient (except when I finally wake up wherein Moji bombards me with messages), Moji is creative. Moji is an artist and a rather good one at that. Moji unfortunately carries some feminist ideals which I disagree with by default but am not going to make this into a rant. Moji is willing to talk to me more than many. Moji is very beautiful, which is always a plus in a... damn it I ran out of gender-neutral words. ( This is hard guys, really hard. Thank you all so much for not putting me through this. ) Collin doesn't want you to know Moji's name though, which is why Collin is referring to her as Moji.

Moji's biggest asset is probably Moji's generosity with Moji's time. Moji has in the past spent hours on various tasks simply because I asked her to. And while I don't as often as I should, I return the favour. Moji and I share a very important trait in a relationship: perserverance. It has been over two years now and we still aren't able to see one another, for very stupid reasons. However there is a very, very slim chance that we will unite this summer.

News: She has finally agreed to be called "she" and "my girlfriend"! :D That's the good part, the bad part is I might soon lose her if can't get transport to see her in person. :(

Religion and stuff...
I hold many Christian beliefs and read the bible ( sometimes ), believing what is taught therein. However I don't consider myself a Christian as I don't feel I live up to the challenge and feel also that I have insufficient moral fiber. This worries me a lot. Frequently. However, my current philosophy is "Well at least I can go to hell knowing that I tried my best" and "Even if you don't make it to heaven, isn't serving God worth it?" and the like...

I believe in the innate right to life that all things have, but many people frequently push it... leading to my often cynical, misanthropic, and borderline nilhilistic world-views which often bleedover into my work. It pains me to see so much wrong in the world, yet I know I can do almost nothing about it. What I can though, I will. And in a way, I live my friendships with you guys in that manner. I always offer a shoulder to cry on if you really need one.

I pray to God and he has answered me before. I don't let it go to my head though. I think that the biggest sins are greed and vanity. Greed because it makes you do bad things for a useless reason. Nothing's going to last, y'know? Vanity because it makes you think that you're better than everyone, even God, which is very much not true.

I don't really consider myself religious. I don't go to church very much, I don't read the bible near as often as I should, I recite no chants, dance no dances, and fail to live up to most standarized moral codes. I'm not extremely traditional, I don't automatically believe everything I am told, and am in fact a hyper skeptic. That is part of why I believe in the Christian ideals, they have stood up to my skepticism. And I note that some traditions are actually good to keep. For example, celebrating Christmas with family. ( I know it sounds cliche, and believe me, I have been given nothing but grief on many a Christmas, but I still believe it is a good thing to uphold. ) I used to participate also in the tradition of the Lord's Supper, but I know refrain because I am unsure of myself.

Ethical values as much as they apply
In no particular order:
 * I believe being famous is wrong and that one should not attempt to do so. I believe it detracts from the life experience and the credit to the creator for there to be famous people. Plus, I believe they have pretty much no quality of life.
 * I believe that one should treat others with kindness and patience. ( And in this is my biggest failure. )
 * I believe that people should share resources with one another and give without grudging.
 * I believe it is very important to tell the truth.
 * I don't believe partaking of food is stealing unless you are depriving someone else of it. ( Here I have some issues with people who believe one should ask before eating someone's food. )
 * I believe that while murder is wrong, capital punishment would be the easiest solution to many crimes. However, I don't advocate it because there are better ways to deal with criminals.
 * I believe in an individual's right to bare arms, but I don't believe in their right to be stupid with them.
 * I strongly dislike abortion to the point where it overrides my "murder is wrong" ethic.
 * I hate rape even more, partly because it gives an excuse for the above, but mostly just because it's rape. Rapists have a special reservation in the more sadistic part of my mind. I find the current punishments for rape far too soft, but I understand why that is. ( People lie. )
 * I believe that all humans should try and help one another as much as in their power to do so.
 * I have no strong feelings against drugs, provided the individual partakes of it responsibly. However, due to a vow I made I try to eschew drugs whenever possible. There are several aspects about drugs I do dislike though.
 * I believe promises are sacred. I always feel guilty when I fail to live up to something I was going to do, even if I didn't swear or promise it. I believe a man's word should be as good as his promise.

What I really think of Homestuck
It actually started pretty good and even had a lot of potential for quite a while. It just took several wrong turns in the plot. What makes it worse is that it is usually clear that this is totally intentional. The art style is actually fantastic, and the music's ok. The flash games were a lot of fun and an interesting break from the comic itself. I also enjoyed the hidden room with the Mother/Earthbound references. And in retrospect, that's my favourite part about Homestuck. ( I didn't know about Earthbound prior to reading Homestuck. )

At some time during Act 5 or 6 though, Hussie just had a complete mental breakdown and started doing all sort of things that ranged from confusing to infuriating to just plain stupid. I was not a fan of all the symbolism thrown in there. I thought the Cherub business was ''totally stupid. ''I was sick of the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff and how that stupid puppet became an actual plot element. Absolutely none of the story went how I wanted it to and not just that, it went in the stupidest way possible. I kept trying and trying to give Hussie a chance to redeem himself, and he just kept making the comic worse and worse.

I mean, when you first get Gamzee, he's actually alright. Vriska, legitimately sympathizable. Karkat, kinda funny. So on and so forth. At a certain point though, they stopped being quirky little grey people and started becoming parodies of parodies of parodies and parodies of themselves. I mean Kanaya -  A lesbian vampire that glows. WAY TO PULL IN ALL OF THE MOST CLICHE BULLSHIT EVER. ( She had already been attracting my ire with her clear and utter being a Xerox/pastiche of Hussie. Which is particularly amazing considering she was one of my favourites. ) Vriska - Yes, we get it, 8 is a significant number here. And then all the crap she pulled with Tavros? I mean not even Wimpy McLoser deserved ''that. ''And then there was Eridan, he was insufferable from the start. In fact so much so that I became deeply entrenched in Peixes territory because he's annoyingness covered Feferi's!

And then everything started going to hell everywhere. And there were several technicolour travesties that I'm actually like starting to BSOD about over here. So I need to wrap it up. Who I hate and why:
 * Gamzee: For being a psycho-clown in a cod-piece.
 * Terezi: For screwing over Karkat and then dating Gamzee.
 * Dirk: For everything. My brain won't even let me access the reasons I despise him.
 * All the other Alpha kids, for various reasons.
 * Kanaya: For the reasons listed above.
 * Rose: For being the other part of Rosemary, the most vile ship ever shipped. Also for her purple prose (literally and metaphorically ) and the whole grimdark thing. It bored me.
 * Eridan: For being a whiny, needy attention-whore with stupid hair.
 * Tavros: For being too pathetic to do anything right.
 * Jack: For being such a Deus Ex Machina. Well Diabolus Ex Machina, really.
 * Lord English/Caliborn/Whatever: For the same reasons as above and because his race is stupid. He gets some love for shooting Gamzee with a tommy gun though.
 * The premise that everything male is either weak or evil whereas everything female is strong, good, or dead.  ( Yet another bleed-through of Hussie's pathetic psyche which just sort of jizzed all over what had been a delightful little webcomic. )
 * The flashing colours: Because headaches.
 * That one part with those awful colours everywhere: Because in a dark room they inflict an effect similar to a sudden drop and a stink bomb going off at the same time.
 * Feferi: For making me realize things I don't like about myself.
 * Meenah: For making me realize other things I don't like about myself. ( Though much less so. In fact she almost gets to be on the list of Homestucks that I actually kinda like. Almost. )
 * Homestuck fans: For their rabid insanity and adding to the already horrendous mess that is Tumblr. On top of that, I can never use astrology motifs again.
 * The ruining of the entire Wayward Vagabond mini-arc. It had been so nice up until then.
 * Cherubs, for solidifying and chrystalizing the male versus female dichotomy and the circumstances of their biology. Plus everything else. ( I find it ironic that so many feminists, LGBT, and general left-wingers flock to Homestuck when there is such clear subtext that contradicts many of their views and parodies others. But I chalk it up to them being stupid.)

My friends
I have them.

College
I will soon be attending Louisiana Tech University. University of Louisiana at Lafayette.

Personal skills
Will describe later.

Tastes in Music
Hehheh. Ecclectic at best.

Hopes and Dreams.

 * To marry my sort-of girlfriend.
 * That she stops with the whole gender-neutrality BS.
 * A world where weapons are no longer necessary.
 * To legitimately make a bigger positive impact than my negative one.
 * That all my friends' lives turn out well.
 * That things aren't really as bad as they seem.

THIS ARTICLE IS NOT FINISHED
I will finish it in time, please do not vandalize it or I will take it down and probably take down the RTD as well... I'm a very private person, and will overreact to the slightest attack on my real personal feelings.